Of Boys and Boggarts
by indelicatedelay
Summary: The Marauders battle a fiendish foe. Hopefully funny, and based on a tiny throw-away line in PoA - it's probably been done to death, but here's my take on it. Rating due to Sirius wanting a drink.


The Hogwarts Express sped through the British countryside, full of students returning to school after the summer holidays with varying amounts of enthusiasm. Four of them were sitting in a carriage near the back of the train playing Exploding Snap, and while not particularly enthusiastic about the prospect of their NEWTs they were filled with teenage energy and the general desire to wreak havoc in a benign sort of way.

"Has anyone got any booze?" said Sirius with a yawn.

"It's four in the afternoon!" exclaimed Remus, albeit half-heartedly.

"Perfect time for alcohol in my opinion. And as I am Head Boy now, my opinion is law." James was lounging across multiple seats and had already slightly singed his the sleeve of his school robes because he said "SNAP!" at the wrong time entirely.

Peter spoke up hesitantly, as if he feared that prefects would bear down on him with fiery fury, especially Lily Evans. "I've got half a bottle of vodka in my suitcase..."

"That will do nicely, ta."

Peter went over to his luggage, opened it, then shut it again with a loud slam. "I do not remember," he said, voice trembling slightly, "packing a boa constrictor in my suitcase."

"Let's have a look," said Sirius, bounding over. He opened the case slightly, peered inside, and stood back up again, grimacing and forcing the lid back down. "Well, unless you're in the habit of taking headless corpses to school with you, I'd say we've got a boggart on our hands."

"Pete, my ol' chum," said James, clearly exasperated, "how on EARTH did you manage to get a boggart stuck in your suitcase?"

Peter was sitting on it now, in a vague attempt to stop anything escaping, but looked more annoyed than terrified. "I don't know! Unless... well, I stayed at Aunt Lucy's house for the last week of the holidays, maybe it got in there. Her house_ is _pretty old and dark."

Sirius sighed exaggeratedly. "Well, we'll just have to get it out of there, won't we? Could be fun, facing down a boggart," he mused to himself. Remus raised his eyebrows. "Don't look at me like that, you know it could be. Right, who knows the spell? James, you're the Defense Against the Dark Arts nut - "

" - only with jinxes and hexes and stuff, you KNOW I'm rubbish with creatures and manifestations."

"Riddikulus," said Remus calmly.

"Now is no time to start getting smarmy," said James. "Wormtail's already worried enough - "

"No, that's the charm!" said Sirius brightly. "I remember now, I made jokes about it for three weeks in third year, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did," said Remus tersely. "They were very stupid jokes."

"Ridiculous, in fact."

"Shut up."

"If you're quite finished having a big ol' marital dispute, we have dark forces to thwart." James narrowed his eyes at them.

"Fine, fine. I think I'd better take it on," said Sirius. "Don't want it turning into Fenrir Greyback again." He shuddered.

"Oh please," snapped Remus. "I'm not a little kid anymore, I'm not scared of him."

"Hmm. I think I've got an idea," said James, swiftly changing the subject with surprising diplomacy but little subtlety. "How about we both take it on? It might get confused."

"Good plan," agreed Sirius, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "Wormy, get ready to open the suitcase, Prongs and I plan to save the day with style."

Peter nodded grimly and stood up, then walked behind the trunk and lay over it, fingers gripping the edge ready to open it up. James and Sirius rolled up their sleeves, took out their wands, and advanced on it.

"NOW!"

Peter jumped up, and the boggart was released. There was a brief moment when they all held their breaths in terror, but they let out a collective gasp of relief and stood there silently for a while, staring at it and suppressing laughter.

"That was a bit anti-climatic," said James, staring at the half-a-slug on the floor. "Well, at least I was right about confusing it. And we don't really need to use the charm on it, it's pretty hilarious as it is, really."

"You're scared of slugs?" Sirius laughed. "You're such a wimp sometimes."

"I am scared of FLESH-EATING slugs. There's a difference," muttered James. "Come on, let's chuck it out of the window." The Boggart seemed to hear them, as it instantly popped out of existence in a small cloud of smoke. "Oh great, I don't even get to throw things out of the window anymore these days. What is the world coming to? I'm going to... um..." he started messing up his hair nervously, and the other three Marauders exchanged looks full of rolled eyes and raised eyebrows.

"Stalk Evans?" suggested Sirius.

"Not so much stalk, as... woo."

"By which you mean stalk," added Peter, grinning.

"I think I've got a chance with her this year, I really do," said James desperately. "I mean, she didn't try to knee me in the groin or hex me or anything whenever I flirted with her last term..."

"Just keep telling yourself that." Sirius sat back down and lay down across three seats of the carriage at once in a display of his usual aristocratic nonchalance, looking significantly better at it than James had, while Peter finally retrieved the vodka. Remus sat on the floor next to him.

"If you wouldn't see Fenrir Greyback anymore, then what would you see?" Sirius said it quietly so Peter couldn't overhear, and he sounded as if he was trying to be casual and failing badly.

"I'd see the moon," said Remus in a tone that was calmer than he felt. "I'm not scared of him anymore, I'm scared of - "

"Yourself. Wow. You're completely mental, do you know that?"

Remus shrugged then smiled. "At least I'm in good company."


End file.
